It was time to reach adulthood. 18, such a beautiful number. It means that now I am considered as an adult, have the right to buy cigarettes and alcohol, have the right to drive. And most importantly, it marked that I am now officially considered as a grown-up. Well, it is only on paper, because I was such a insecure person that I did not feel like a grown-up at all.I sometimes feel that I missed a big part of my teenage life because of being insecure and being overweight made me an introvert person, which is for sure I am not. Because, of my weight struggle I never wanted to go out. I went out only with people that I know and I was closed to.
In 2011, I moved to Canada for studies. I considered it as my saving land, my promise land. I knew that my life would be totally different. I would have the opportunities to make the changes that I always wanted, do what I always wanted to do. In conclusion, a way to start a new life. I was really excited about it, it gave me motivation, gave me strength.
I adapted myself pretty well to my new life. Although, the adjustments were tough on me, I knew that I made the choice of coming here so I had to deal with it and find ways to work it out! In Canada, I did not feel the pressure of loosing weight or having people staring at me. Finally, I found my freedom. I was now able to find clothes that actually fit me, and enjoying shopping without being judged. But still at that time, I was on a so so regular on my period, but I did not care so much because I knew I was doing nothing wrong. So, I had nothing to worry about.
One day, during my yearly check-up, my doctor advised me to see a gynecologist for my irregular period.And the verdict dropped, I was diagnosed with PCOS. But then, I was not too concerned, because even the doctor was not that concerned. I remembered it said it is pretty common and I have nothing to worry about because I am young. Honestly, at that time I was damn naive, I trusted him and did not bother too much. I didn’t do my research like I would usually do when I don’t know something.
Months passed by, and I forgot about my PCOS. I was trying to have a healthy diet, I went swimming, eating quite healthy. Then , for around 6 months I did not get my period. My close friends were worried, because I gained so much weight. I literally looked like a pregnant woman. On the subway, people would actually give me their seat because they thought I am a pregnant woman. I was bloated, my face was round and round. I did not fit in my clothes anymore. It was a bad period. I honestly thought at some point, that I might be actually pregnant. Then, I did these at home pregnancy test, and it turned out like I thought to be negative. But just to be on the safe side, I decided to do it anyway. Then, I decided to see the doctor again, because I knew deep inside something was literally wrong with me and that scared the hell out of me.
“You got PCOS, Madam. It is common. But I need to let you know that I might decrease your chances of fertility………” I stopped listening to the Gynecologist after that. To be said at 20,21 that you might not be able to have kids blew me off. Honest to God, I always knew that I would like to have a family one day. Like a girl, I dream t of the charming prince and of a beautiful family. But, I thought I would have time to think about it later on in life not at 21. That one sentence, shattered my life into pieces right away.
Since that day, my dreams and goals have changed. I will never be the same girl again.